|Image courtesy of www.manrepeller.com|
Open toe high-heeled boots lined with fur, orthopaedic-inspired wedges, clogs – if it flies in the face of logic, or indeed weather patterns, it can only lead to heart-ache and loneliness. Let me break it down – would you see a Middleton sister sporting a pair?
Bullets, spikes, chains, articulated knuckle dusters, body armour – fashion has become a war zone that takes no prisoners. If you want to snag a fella, best tone down the new model army look. Chances are he’s taken cover.....far away.
The term says it all. If your trousers create anatomical doubt or suggest you’ve been auditioning for Aladdin, you best leave the harem tout de suite. Trust me – there’s no action there. It’s just a bad pantomime.
Despite the transitional appeal of the maxi, our likely lads don’t care much for the garment. Seemingly, its length suggests we’re hiding something like hairy legs or a life size tattoo of the Virgin Mary.
Boy meets girl, girl dresses like boy, boy legs it. Not exactly a fairytale but since when has reality ever been sugar-coated? We make love Kathryn Hepburn, Annie Hall and Annie Lennox but a dude’s clothes make you look like – a dude. Their words, not mine.
You think it makes you look like one of Charlie’s Angels. He’s thinking more along the lines of a bin man or a convict. He doesn’t care if it’s easy-to-wear but he is wondering how you pee in that thing.
So your satchel contains a Kindle, some knitting paraphernalia and The Horrors on your iPod. Well done – you’re a hipster. Now stop dressing like Alexa Chung. Irony does not equal sexy – except on her.